*Warning, explicit content. Subject to inducing discomfort and offense. R rated, 18 years old+ recommended age of reading. Try and avoid reading it if you are younger; it’s rather unpleasant.*
Just the other day I was passing through hell; an interesting place if I may say so. There has been a big misconception regarding hell, it is not the scourging place people purport it to be; on the contrary it is rather nippy, cold and gloomy, and more often than not the weather goes through all four seasons in a day. Walking down an arid grey street, mischievous as I am, I walked inside a door to a warehouse that was open — I thought to myself, “it is very uncharacteristic of the Devil to be so disorderly and leave doors open; unless he wanted me to walk in?” I decided to oblige him and my curiosity in a ‘killing two birds with one stone’ deal, or rather, decision. Entering inside, a smile ignited my face as I saw a room boldly titled “Archive of the Hopeless”. Hopeless, what a word, I thought, so powerful yet potentially empty and meaningless. I decided to explore the area, and found filing desks upon filing desks scattered over the place with one writing desk, a pen, and a lamp in the middle – the Devil and his staff seem to practise the art of simplicity ever so well. The curious thing about the room was that there were more women’s, or rather, girl’s names than boy’s lined up in alphabetical order on these filing desks.
After a quick look around I decided to have a read, and I picked a name at random – Janine sounded like a worthy name for my immediate, and very brief, attention. The immediate document in the file was a letter, and at that moment I wondered, “Why doesn’t Mr. Devil acquire himself a database and a little computer or a laptop even; could get one for cheap at PC World? – he could even buy in bulk to save himself a few pounds.” Anyways, I decided to read this quasi-illiterate letter our ‘interesting’ Janine had written to her friend Charlene; bearing in mind this half empty, half full word: hopeless. Pay close attention to my translations and additions in case and should you find yourself lost or confused. It’s wise also, I found, to read this in an English accent for the full Janine effect.
Dear Charlene <3 [code symbol for a heart],
He did it the prick finally ‘came through’ for me. We’ve been trying for two months now, or rather, I’ve been trying and he’s been ploughing all along not knowing what I’ve been plotting. Finally the test revealed positive, blue as the fucking sky. I can’t wait to move in to my new home, and my new income, and my new freedom. It will be “girls just wanna have fun” every night – weed, boys, booze, the whole lot, every day! Woo! LOL [code word for ‘laugh out loud’]. That’s how your Janine rolls, “ya get me”! Hehehe. <3 lol. Damn I miss ya!!
Anyways, this plum of a man, been with him for a year. He’s fit and everything, but I can do better; a rich boy or something, one of those mixed raced boys with green or blue eyes and curly hair, they are so chung [code word for attractive]. Ah, I wish, Charly, I wish, but I have no time to play that card, I need results fast and a way out of this shit hole; and this boy finally pulled through, or rather, ‘pushed through’, hehehe, yeah I’m still bad and I’ve gotten worse ;- ) [code smiley: face with a wink] lol! Will you believe how moronic guys are these days, it’s getting boring, and they are stupid and easily whipped. I am glad we are not as easy to please as our modern men; I’d be worried, hun [shortcut for honey]. Would you believe that he actually ‘loves’ me and thinks I love him back; he says I am a freak in the bedroom and the best woman he’s ever had; his dream woman – how pathetic, if only he knew. Sometimes, I wish he did, it would make him more interesting and worth keeping, as a man and a daddy. Fuck him though; he’s not man enough, not good enough. The funny thing is that we too are easy to please, these morons just don’t know it, and thank fuck for that! Good news for us! Hehehe <3! LOL!
Babes! My mother and her husband are getting on my tits [British for: they are annoying me]! Especially that twat [vagina] who fancies himself [thinks he is] my father! My mother’s husband is not my father, he’s a burk [like a prick/asshole]. Her too, that annoying drunk bitch, who is still lost after 45 years of breathing, what has she been doing; fucking around I bet? How many years do you need to find yourself when you’ve always been in front of you, in the mirror and in your bloody [damn] head? Argh, she frustrates me! You know what I mean, babes? Anyways, they say to me, “You’re bloody 16 years old, you’ve fucked up school, you’ve fucked up your body, your future, and you’re a nuissannce (however you spell that bloody word). You’re almost 17 now and we want you out!” So I told them to go fuck themselves and then I went to the council to apply for a flat, but the fuckers have me in the lowest rank on the ladder because, “my circumstances are not severe enough and they have others to accommodate whose cases demand immediate attention”. Now I am waiting, but what could have taken three years will not take me less than nine months – that business GCSE course really paid off, eh, somewhat. I was told by Sandra that a pregnant woman gets put up to the second highest, and a single mother to the highest with a minimum of two months wait and a maximum of four. What glory! Finally I can move out of this hell, and into a life of paradise, of ‘livin’ la vida loca’ baby! Woo! LOL <3. Man, I can’t wait; they’ll practically pay for everything — even booze money! God Bless England! I’d live nowhere else – I’d worship our coins like they were Gods.
This kid that is coming, I hope it’s a boy, I want a son, gonna raise me a man, it’s been a while since I’ve seen one of these endangered species. That, and of course I can just let him loose to do what he wants without worrying too much – girls need a little more care and attention, and I can’t be bothered to be honest; I’d rather be buzzin’ [stoned/high]! Woo! LOL!
Anyways, enough about me and my life story, tell me about your adventures and that new dark haired Greek boy of yours; he’s gorgeous! Have you fucked him yet!? What happened with Tyrel, have you dumped him yet? I miss you babes, I want my Charly-boo back! I still think about that threesome we had with that guy; man, how did he do that? It was impressive; I’ve been having dreams about it – his cock was sooo big! Anyways, I gotta go babes, there’s so much to do; I can’t wait till you next come down. We’ll have a blast!
Love,
Janine xoxoxo <3<3<3
P.S.: Behave yourself! In fact, fuck that, don’t behave, have a blast! Make the roof on fire, ‘coz we don’t want no water, let the motherfucker burn! LOL! <3
Her file was superfluous, I could tell from a glance that she embraced the wilderness with her age – an interesting specimen indeed. I heard sounds in the background and decided to flee with great haste, lest I book a first class, premature ticket to hell resort! I snapped the dossier shut and proceeded out, never looking back. What I saw was enough, and the other documents, that were in the hundreds if not thousands, couldn’t have been much better; a gut feeling told me I had picked out one of the milder ones. Sweet wilderness: rewarding and chaotic; Monsieur Devil’s cold and seductive meme. I felt like I entered Nietzsche’s pre-historic predictions, only they had entered the chronological realm of the contemporary – we moulded each other - myself, time and history became one once again; what’s known by Biologists as devolution. One can expect such effects from the exponential rise in population, and fall of economy, and with an icing on the cake move, the rise of the virtual era – resulting in the demand for redundancy. This era will ask a question, in fact it has already done the asking and waiting for the response; a response that will be a choice in the form of anarchy or ‘natural disaster’. How do we, after all, nourish an unquenchable thirst, an infinite greed? These thoughts weighed me down, and have been weighing me so ever since, I look to the future in anticipation and with humility – balance is inescapable.
