The Lover’s Ethic #88
If your partner is not being fulfilled in bed, and they are sure it’s not because they’re not attacted or grown weary of you, then the weight falls elsewhere. It falls on them. There is only one way to bring this out and fulfil your partner: communication.
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I am convinced beyond reproach that all sexual problems are problems of communication. The problems of communication however are much too diverse to determine and fix easily. Sometimes it’s just more than a matter of “I would like you to do this rather than that”. Sometimes a person just doesn’t like anything, or their body is to a certain degree what I call ‘cold’. This is where the situation gets tricky, this is where the sex isn’t the problem. This is where sex becomes perplexing and the matter diverges so much that a human mind finds it difficult to stay with it.
The cold body problem is a matter of an emotion counteracting another, an impulse combating another, and this battle is internal, always. This impulse takes many forms and harbours a few fascinating designations: trust, love, guilt, rapport, surrender… etc… Not one word can indefinitely establish and determine what exactly is the source of the cold body other than a clash of impulses. The only thing we can do is to court communication, it is speech and to a certain degree of emotional proximity. What meagre and unreliable tools, but it’s better that than nothing, especially if we care for our lovers. All the designations perhaps converge on one point: a person’s relationship to their own body and themselves — this inner conflict is mediated by either the body’s constitution and the person’s upbringing. Quite simply, cold body is not a partner’s issue, it is an issue of self, it is an issue of one’s relationship to themselves, to their own body.
Fascinatingly, the cold body seems to have a general continuity amongst race and upbringing, so the factors are perhaps much too diverse to determine, but there’s only one way to begin: speech, communication.
Seducer’s Tip #2
There is no such thing as love. It is only a cunning, opium-like term, used to console and prolong a weakness — it makes a weakness appear as great strength, such that the real greatness of strength may benefit without unnecessary conflict. The perfect seduction is through the phantom term love. Seduction made to appear as love is the perfect scapegoat for the strong, for it keeps the weak yielding and generates more of the same weakness in them by making it appear as strength. It makes the weak desire to be seduced, by calling seduction, its process, love or falling in love. They actively seek that which they do not want because of a phantom term that masquerades it by having the appearance of its opposite. How remarkable. There was never a more grander and beautiful seduction than the introduction of this term and what comes with it. There is a lot that is needed to see this. A sharp and refined eye is needed, as well as a sharp and refined nose, a nose for the presupposed. Have you this eye; have you this nose? — I know not.
Forget love itself, look beyond it and in what is presupposed in it and its appearance, make it useful as a ghost term for a seduction, a clothing to seduction. It’s been this all along, don’t be seduced by its phantom appearance, lest you reveal your own weakness. Your need for consolation due to your own incapacity. Incapacity is suffering and consolation is a drug for that suffering, a reason is given like a paracetamol. It doesn’t exist, it is only a consolation for those who are too weak to seduce, and are constantly being seduced, and to benefit those who do the seducing – the seducers – through the prolongation of that weakness. Consolation is a form of prolongation. It empowers the strong and weakens the weak, it creates a distance conservative of the first order, and beneficial in its entirety to one (ultimately beneficiary to both one would say in its own way, the weak need to be able to live with their weakness and the strong need to expound their strength).
The one weakling said to the other, “the winds are too strong, can I hold on to you? You hold on to me, we’ll form a bigger weight and the winds won’t take us and sweep us away.” Smiling and tearful, the other weakling replied, “Yes, ok.”
Tell me my dear reader, who above is the real weakling and who the seducer?
Use love, don’t let it use you.
The Dynamics between Man and Woman
There are still, even in this time and age, a vast number of women incapable of principles and of an answer to the two-fold question: “who am I and what do I want?” These women have only one answer and it lays in the man that enters her life and gives her his principles, or her principles according to him. It lays in the conviction with which he gives them to her. Man still commands woman, and it is perhaps because that particular woman desires his seed. Perhaps, the drifter form of woman, the woman without principles that are beyond and outside her counterpart, is the one that courts pregnancy, the one with the drive for pregnancy.
This dynamic relationship of command and obedience through conviction has been such a customary means of engagement between men and women that it has hardened into a drive within our women — it has become a hereditary trait in woman. Leaving open, of course, the possibility that there is no woman alive in this world that cannot be lead or made to obey if the conviction is strong enough. “If your conviction is weak, then stick to the women whose principles are weak or not present” suggests the Seducer. “Encourage her to find her principles, and if they coalesce with yours, great, if not, leave her be” sounds the gentle words of wisdom from the Lover.
Principles and convictions come hand in hand, like young feminine twins hopping subtly along and around each conversation, even around all forms of communication. The higher the principle, the higher the conviction — height is measured by the quantity of energy and time expounded on it. The result of these two is command and obedience, there is not one woman alive who is not ready to obey a man with principles stronger than hers. Quite often women lack principles altogether and it has been their source of misery. Now that woman is faced with the push – the command — and encouragement to find her own principles, now she must jump to the opportunity and define herself, as opposed to letting man define her, for whether she likes it or not, he will do so in his favour. What is there left from this but sublimation, but destruction, out of its ashes one hopes for a new set of principles.
The woman with the highest principles will be a force of nature, and mother to a beautiful human being. If she so chooses, or if nature has chosen her to do so. The mother with the highest principles is the highest mother.
Look you at some of these traits we once affixed to femininity:
gentleness, patience, kindness, care, quiet, compassionate and aware of others, motherly, timid, elegant, mannered, obedient and many more of a less fruitful nature i.e. yielding…
I need not say much more. Woman has been defined under the convenience of man and his needs, his desires, there’s not doubt about it, but then again who could blame man for doing so? This has been and is still the case on a high degree, even in our enlightened era. It is time for women to define themselves, and the only way to do so is strip bare all the customs and hereditary constraints that bind her, even those in the form of drives. This if and only if woman desires to express herself and be a person in and for herself. Perhaps and with the arising of this, man can begin to define himself too in his own image, and regardless of woman.
The golden question arising from this:
“Is this possible?”
My personal opinion in the matter without much thought into it, is at the moment, that it’s not possible. And I bemoan the pessimism, but I haven’t been able to think this whole thing through completely. How full can the thinking of a 22 year old man be? Unless, definitions take a new form, that are other than linguistic and grounded in the fluidity of the social realm of communication that is apparent to us now, this cannot be possible. Principles need to be established in forms other than the linguistic, and this is the hardest part of the endeavour.
…
Seducer’s Tip #1
It was never your fault.
Nothing seduces like the plea to weakness. One’s will can win over another’s simply by the masquerade of one’s will with the other’s. My will pretends to be yours in order to bend yours to my own. Weakness has massive seductive potential.
——
I looked into her eyes as she whispered her accusation to me with a deadly force, it shook me deep inside but I was not stirred. I felt like James Bond when I replied to her in a masquerade of earnestness,
“My dear, I tried and tried. I am no good, I cannot be, I can’t ever be. Please leave me, leave while it’s still early, while you still can. I can’t turn, I am cursed and it’s hereditary. Immorality chases me and selfishness haunts me. But I tried, God knows I tried darling. Please don’t love me. Leave me now.”
I started to believe what I was a saying, a new will took over my body for a moment. I felt what it would be like should that have been the case, an interesting feeling. The will to infect her began to descend on me, tears escaped my eyes and I fell to the floor — I cherish my body and its intellect. She looked down at me, put her hands on my head and fell to her knees herself, sobbing and whispering meekly,
“I can’t. I love you.”
It wasn’t my fault.
Seduction Tip #54
Give a person something to complain about and they will fall humbly on their knees. Not in surrender. No sir! — not at all. Their knees will give way from a deep satisfaction with life. Their fall will be one of gravity. They fall from being overly fed, from self-fattening, from being sufficiently full-up, so to speak. Complaint is the chain that binds someone to mediocrity and to somebody else’s will. Give someone something to complain about and you have tamed them, as well as bent them to your will. It is a most inconspicuous means of capture and enslavement.
Community Service
Seduction is but a community service. A service that will rise in breadth and frequency if we continue feeding the decadent and rebellious instinct it arises out of by calling it seduction, and by making it forbidden. The human soul does not set a warm and comfortable gaze upon its own cage. The prolongation and exponentiation of an undesired game is a direct consequence of its label and the interpretation it forces on the looker. Make sure you are aware of what you call something, because that which you decide to call it may have implications towards its perpetuation. This is the moment when something becomes truly cancerous. Seduction is the label to a game created, aggrandized and prolonged by the losers of a game. Either way, by ackowledging it and by labelling it as such, they play it. In other words, they prolong it.
The real question should be: is the game that gives birth to the label of seduction necessary?
If so (and even if not), why does someone call it seduction, and what game do they have at the ready as a response to it, as a proper conduct? If it is necessary and seduction is the accurate label, then for the losers, the game is truly miserable and we inspire a great global drama in one half of our population — maybe even more. If the game is necessary, but the label is not, then the drama arises from the poor-losers and spoilers of all games. If the game is not necessary, and if some game is necessary, alas, let us play a game where everyone wins — would it then be a game? If the game is not necessary and no game is, then let’s all laugh, because life is no drama, it is a most inspiring comedy. It is all a community service.
Seduction tip #21
Always remember that:
Woman’s consultant is her best friend.
And…
Man’s consultant is his member.
Seduction Tip #7
One does not tame a wild beast by bestowing it immediately with a leash, just as one does not walk with comfort when placing left shoe to right foot. One instead places the leash on the beast after they have tamed it.
How does one tame? – I hear your voices resonnate inquisitively in the background? Well, it’s simple. One tames by showing the beast that they mean no harm, instead that they mean good. Good, which comes to the same as beneficial for the beast. One benefits the beast in order to tame it, one gains the beast’s trust.
Why? – I hear you impudent questioners ask? Wilderness and paranoia, my dear and insatiate questioners, are siblings of the first rate. Paranoia is the wild, beastly instict; and the beast is the paranoid, wild creature.
Seduction tip #48
Her body. The whiter a woman’s body is the more vivid and wrought with visual clarity is the map to her pleasure. The darker a woman’s body is the more the other senses need astute cultivation. One learns to see with their ears, with their nose, and finally with their hands, their touch.
Seducer’s Tip #69
There are two polar opposite things that turn a woman on: aggression and comfort. Usually one at a time depending on the context and past, but quite often both simultaneously.
