This post concerns itself with the notion of being humble. What is humility? As always, I will first start with the use of the word, for it would make no sense to go into abstract concepts, and the implications of a word, unless we first understand what the word is meant to symbolize. Thus, first and foremost we must untangle the word; how is it used, why is it used, when is it used and what does it mean to be humble?
Humility is a state* of modesty; modesty is the condition of being demeaning to oneself in the form of politeness by undermining one’s achievements and/or capabilities in order to be deemed socially savvy; in other words, to under-value yourself in the form of seeming polite, and in order to avoid looking like a prat. Immediately we can see an inkling of societal norms in the mix; but before we delve deep into societal influences of being humble, let’s first look at the personal usage of the word, the subjective use of the word. Thus, to be humble is to undermine yourself in the face of others in order to show your reverence and hope to appear social. Humility always arises from a desire to be proud. You want to be proud but to be a good social creature, you must be humble. Thus, first you need something to be proud of in order to be humble. No pride, will in turn equal, no humility. Humility is in direct response to pride.
Madame, Simone De Beauvoir, has aroused in my understanding a concept of subjectivity that I have never before seen; she has made me realize the importance of one’s situation in judgment and development of theories. It is important to state my point of view before interacting with another point of view - mainly to avoid partiality and bias, as well as contamination of a concept with my own feelings and projections. Thus, here it is, I am a man, I am twenty years of age and I argue against the insipid use of the word humility. Let the thought experiment, followed by my ideas, begin.
Here I am, I have a job, a house, a wife that is sexy and angelic (thank god), children that are great (bless them), a good job that I am about to be promoted in and I am genuinely loved by all that meet and know me; you could argue that I have the perfect life. Every time I am introduced to others that perfection perpetuates like the wind in a cold, rainy, December morning. I greet them, I tell them of my life, but I leave out the details; I want so desperately for people to see the world from my point of view, the struggles, pains and repressions I suffer to maintain such a perceived perfection. Most think I am content and overwhelmed with happiness, they know of my situation, my life, they know of my superfluous successes; my indistinct and rather non-existent failures, and they love me. They love the fact that I always look for faults in myself and always down-play the successes. Yet deep down they know not my situation, they know not my desires, my worries, my angers, my delirium. They disregard them; they assume that they’re non-existent. The doom of perfection is the doom of non-understanding, non-compassion and non-empathy. How can you empathize with someone who has it all and is bathing satisfactorily in perfection? We strive for it, we imagine it as the end, so how can we see a disappointment in the subject that has conjured that end; how can you, when you are so seduced by it? It is impossible, an end is an end simply because it implies fulfillment, in the sense that there is no more to go for - that is it. Thus, when they are looking at me, they do not see me, they miss me; they see my face but never my heart.
I greet, with a smile on my face that hides the waterfall of tears lying behind; the tears that hold the smiling posture up. I am humble they say, I am humble and unique, they meet people like me everyday yet none compare to me. They love me. What do they love? Are they seduced by the veneer I have placed in front of me, the look of perfection that hides the blemishes of despair lingering beneath the tantrums of anguish. My insides roar with dissatisfaction, my outside expresses the opposite. I have learned one thing, this is the only way. Either risk being you from the inside out and be hated, or risk being you from the outside in and be loved, but hate yourself. The dichotomy is unavoidable, madness is the only escape from it, madness or enlightenment, and they are both closely related. Why you ask, why when I have it all? What do I have exactly - I ask back? I have surrendered, I have given up myself, the one thing that I really have and the only thing I have, for something mediocre, for something common place, for society, for somebody that doesn’t deserve it, and now I am paying for it. I am paying to be what I am, and this what-I-am is any other, but definitely not me. Thus I am dissatisfied, and you will be too. However, here have it all if you want it; have it all and the price you pay is yourself, are you willing to? If you are, then you can have it.
Before getting into my philosophy of humility, one last statement. You can never know humility without first being mad, or enlightened. I will elaborate in its right place.
We all have desires, wants, needs, and an inner world blossoms full of them. They are like wild sunflowers illuminating the field bestowed with them, with a pleasant outburst of yellow that lightens your gaze as it drifts over it. This world is hidden; it is hidden because it is all you have. It is your last bit of privacy, your last anchor should all else on the outside fail, your vulnerability. You protect it like you protect a child from any threat, you are willing to sacrifice yourself for it, and so you go on protecting it. The irony is that although you protect and hide it, it is all you have and thus it is all you can give; and you need to give it. Love requires giving; you need to be willing to give it all in order to love. If you want love, and thus fulfillment**, then you must be willing to give, to give it all, and all is yourself, it is opening yourself like a bud in the presence of the sun. When light beckons you will either bud (give), or keep and die; you will either let it in and illuminate you, or risk spending the rest of your time in darkness. This inner world then - that is all you have and is all you defend - its release is the only means to fulfillment.
The man above clearly decided not to give, he kept, and now he is in darkness. You will contend, “but hang on a second, he did give, he just said that he gave up himself for perfection, to have it all, isn’t that the same thing?” the quick answer is, no. He didn’t let the light in, because he didn’t give it all totally, once you give it all you have nothing left, then there is only two roads you can go down from then on; madness or enlightenment, both are needed for true humility. He didn’t really give it, because deep down he was still holding on to something, he was stating his pain because what he was appearing to be was not what he truly was, so something inside of him endured. To be truly humble and say, look at me, I am actually not that great, things are not great because I gave them all up, you must say this with the knowing that it is true, you have nothing at all, for you have given it all up. When you give it all up, you have no thing to be boastful about, you have no thing to feel proud about, for you have no thing to cherish and show as your achievement, the only way true humility possible. For then, you are humble, then you are truly humble because you are not hiding any thing, it is all there and yet that all that is there is actually nothing because you have given it up previously. You will argue, but how can I be humble without having something to be humble about? It is a very interesting question, and I do not refute that it is sound and well observed, but you do have something to be humble about, but that something is not a thing, it is more than a thing. You are now in love, and this love is not a “thing”, it’s a true and transcendent*** achievement; you may be either mad and in love, or enlightened and in love - the “same shit different asshole” as my mate Fred would say - but you are in love and so that is the biggest achievement there is, that is the true perfection, that is definitely something to be humble about it. All other forms of love are false, and a masquerade for attachment and insecurity. This humility however is ever more holistic, it is a humility prized, for it has reached an end that is fulfillment inducing. It is not a masquerade for a lack of fulfillment, au contraire, it is the disregard of the achievement of true fulfillment, one that is deep and prized not by the society and the external world as common sense knows it, but by the collective consciousness, by each and every heart. The disregard of the achievement of true and absolute love, the highest pride there is, that in turn leads to true humility. All else is false and done in bad faith****.
Thus, true pride can only be achieved from letting go of everything you hold dear and grasping absolute love. Out of that pride can you be in a state of readiness to experience true humility, without fear of bad faith as shown by the man, whom we shall call Bill.
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*State is a position one takes under a particular moment in time and the conditions arising from that position. In a state all factors, such as time, constitution, place, subject etc. are integrated as parts to form the condition or position called a state.
**Of course, I am presupposing that love is fulfilment, and thus can lead to happiness. Who knows, I’ll let you be the judge of that. I am willing to accept all criticism around this notion.
***Transcendent here denotes something that rises above the commonality of everyday life; it rises above the norms and above something that is already there and/or defined or even predefined. Similar to a rising above.
****Bad Faith is used here to denote self-deception. Not to be confused with the more abstract usage by Sartre and other Existentialist thinkers; although still adopted from them.