The Art of Flux Thinking

Eros has two children, a daughter, Agapi, and a son, Erotas. Before we get to the stimulating conversation between the two fervent siblings; here’s a little background on the three. Eros is the God of Love from ancient Greek civilization, thought to be the child of Aphrodite. Eros was not known in mythology to have any children; but the truth is he did; and the Lover knows them as Erotas, and Agapi.

[Most English translations and usage of the word Agapi we find a spelling with an 'e' or an 'é', in the end e.g. 'agape' or 'agapé'; I find this most insufficient to grasp the word's pronunciation, which is why I have spelled it differently here: Agapi captures it more definitely in my opinion, you are welcome to challenge me.]

In more modern Greek, there are, ambiguously, two words for Love: Agapi and Erotas. In everyday use however, they have different connotations. Erotas is a modern word in Greek indicating Love from a more passionate and/or sexual connotation: bringing out the raw sexual aspect of it, sometimes even indicating sex. However, there are notable cases, such as the subject claim “I am in love”, in Greek it would be “Ime Erotevmenos”, thereby using Love [Erotas, from 'Erot'-evmenos] in a state manifesting way, as opposed to the strictly passion/sex oriented behavioural way. Agapi, which is still even more curious has no connotation of the sexual, it is strictly grounded in the spiritual; for example, indicating to the loved one: ‘my love’ in Greek is ‘Agapi muu’, but it also serves as a noun, whereby uttered in this way implies no sexual connotations; Agapi is Love (spiritual notion, excluding the sexual aspect) in Greek. Thus, the Greeks, with their fantastically complicated, albeit beautiful, language have two ways of speaking about Love. The philosophical implications of this are immense, but this is not about Philosophy, this is about the Lover. The philosophy part will be dealt with by the Philosopher, in its due time. One such implication is the idea that this could trace back to Socrates’ theory of Love in Plato: what we often call Platonic Love, in writings such as the Symposium and Phaedrus. Anyways, digression aside, back to the thema; the stage is set, enter the carriers of Love: Eros and his two children. Back to the story.

Eros had two children, a son Erotas which was the eldest, and a daughter Agapi. It was coming towards the end of Eros’ reign, he no longer served the purposes of humanity, and he had been part of the whole for long enough. Circumstances pushed him to surrender his wisdom of erlebnis and spirit, to one of his children. Wise Eros had a decision to make, one that would make the father of any child uneasy; choose between his children. He had to share his wisdom with one of them, but he knew that giving it to one, would cause penetrating rivalry in the other. Thus, aware of the sibling competition, wise Eros thought through his decision very carefully; and time was not his friend, his telos (Greek word for End) was drawing nigh, and death was but a glimmer in the twilight. He had a lot on his shoulders, he knew that humanity’s future would rest on this one decision;and he knew, that if he was to fulfill his duty, it was mandatory that he pass the torch so to speak, the torch that is salvation. The torch was in demand, and Eros thought hard; but Eros had no easy choice to make regarding who deserved to be cursed by this insidious blessing. He loved both his children equally, as any father does; to choose between them about something to grandiose is to discriminate. Eros knew love and what it meant (after all he is the God of Love), he also knew that he could not act against his Love; he was bound and split by this tight decision. The decision of choice between two absolutely equal loves; and which one would carry the wisdom of divinity that was to be man’s escape from despair and enigmatic oblivion.

Would he give it to Erotas, whom was the eldest, and he named after himself; who carried with him the courage, power and androgenous demeanour present in any leader of masses? Or, would he give it to his beautiful, younger daughter Agapi; who possessed the compassion, fervour and maternal exposition present in all creatures of delightful care. Each one, he thought, had their strengths and their own approach of disclosing the wisdom to people: Erotas would lead people into salvation by strength and aggression, whereas, Agapi would cater them into it by her tender touch and intoxicating manner. However, he delved deeper in his thoughts, and inferred that: Erotas would get carried away and his strength could prove his weakness, leading the mortals into their own destruction through being too much like him; goal-oriented, power consuming and mechanistic — and then he (Eros) would be blamed for his actions; for his uncharacteristic and rash decisions on such a delicate matter. He worried; because even Agapi would prove to be incapable of teaching this wisdom, her weakness would lead the humans astray too; her over-caring personality and timid approach to salvation could prove costly in hard times; she can mesmerize with ease, and influence with elegance, but her decisions lack the leadership required for times of difficulty. She can lead the mortals into illusion and let their heads roam up in the clouds with beauty, but when the human bubble bursts, as it always does, she would have no way of coping with the debris from the painful and anxiety-inducing burst.

Eros thought, and he thought severely. For three years he postponed his end in hope that he would save the world from its own inevitable (under the current circumstances) destruction. He thought of his children, then of the wisdom; back and forth he toyed with them, mixed and matched them, arranged and rearranged them in his head. Then he realised; as if by a sudden flash, an epiphany descended on him. He realised why: what purpose he is to serve, and what plan he is to orchestrate so that he may save the world from itself, and from his own children. This is how the story unfolded from here on:

Eros approaches his daughter, the lovely Agapi; and informs her of his end. Agapi fully aware of the situation, and dilemma at hand, that one of the two would be chosen to take over for their father, listened intently.

Eros: My dear Agapi, sweet, wonderful, beautiful, Agapi. Your birth was truly a blessing, and is a blessing for any, and all, fathers.

Agapi: Father, please don’t speak to me like that, you know of my weakness and attachment to you. My love for you is truly a gift and a drug to me. You are my everything father, your death would by my own; I love you!

Eros: My sweet, you’ve always been like this, and I’ve loved you for it from the moment you opened your eyes to me. I will not go my dear, I will always remain in your heart, and through you I will live on, through you we will be together forever. However, this is a step that must be made in our involvement, a necessary step for us and the mortals that we live for.

Agapi: Father, you are more important to me than any mortal, I could never compare my love for you with anything or anyone, let alone a mortal. I do not care who takes over your wisdom and leads the mortals father, I want you to stay, please don’t go.

[At this moment, Agapi, sobbing at the thought of losing her father, enters Erotas.]

Erotas: What is going on?

Eros: Son, I told you to wait, I must speak with Agapi; please give us a few minutes, when I am ready I will call you in, and we will converse.

Erotas: My apologies father, I just heard sobbing and was worried: I will leave.

Eros: Agapi. Now, I implore you to listen to me, for I have not got long.

Agapi: (Sobbing) Alright father, I am listening.

Eros: I have reached a decision about whom I will pass on the wisdom to, and that person is you.

Agapi: (Stunned)….

Eros: Agapi. I have chosen to place this burden on you, you will lead the mortals to salvation. You will show them the road to themselves and back again.

Agapi: Father, are you sure? I don’t know think I can do it without you. Why not Erotas, surely he is more able and more of a leader than I can ever be? How can I lead the humans when I know not how to lead?

Eros: You must trust me on this; it must be you. Erotas can not lead the mortals to themselves; he can only lead them to their destruction, and to pain. His strength is his weakness in matters of Love. Love needs the tender touch that you so humbly possess, and your spiritual savvy will prove a gift for the humans. You will depict for them a road of comfort, of beautiful illusion and fantasy - they will speak of you when they speak of a certain word, a word that will touch many. This road they will never want to escape from; you will teach them the importance of trust in another human being — the importance of surrender. This is what the humans lack, and what you possess. It is your gift, and they are awaiting you to offer it to them. The Wisdom is this my dear, the road of the spiritual; and this is what your role shall be, to teach the road of Love from the spiritual side. You are to show the humans a way out of the temporal, out of the pains and sufferings of the erlebnis, of the experienced world. Show them a passage to the transcendent, to the divine. You’re approach shall be smooth, tender, and unconditional ; just the way you are, the way you were born to be. You must never forget this.

Agapi: I understand, father, I will not.

Eros: Before I let you go, you must promise me one thing. After my leave, you and Erotas are to not speak again; you are to split from each other. I want you to not tell Erotas what has been said today, unless absolutely necessary. You are to keep it a secret, from him and everyone. It is your burden to bare. You must promise me.

Agapi: What? Why? I don’t understand! No, I can’t do that, I love my brother! Never! Why?

Eros: Trust me, and promise me.

Agapi: But…

Eros: Promise me.

Agapi: … alright, I promise. I love you too much to deny you: I trust you.

Eros: Good, now go, and teach the mortals humility. I shall speak with Erotas, and he shall not be in your way.

*Agapi Leaves*

Eros: Erotas, come in.

Erotas: Father.

Eros: Son, I will make this short, for I have not got long. You know full well why I have summoned you, and about my painful decision. Well, I have made that decision, son. I have cursed you with the gift of the wisdom, it is you who will pass on the torch. You will teach and lead the humans to their salvation; to themselves. Love needs awareness and it needs people to be sane and awake in order to grasp it, they will not do this from the fairytale approach. Burst their bubble son.

Erotas: Father, I am honoured, I know exactly what to do. I shall not let you down.

Eros: The humans need to stop living in the clouds my son, they need to be brought back down to Earth. They need a leader, a being of strength that will turn the lethargy that is their illusive Love, to the powerful and concrete dimension of the temporal. Bring them down to Earth son, don’t let them sleep into their own oblivion. Teach the importance of themselves, of efficiency, work, prestige, activity and the pleasures of sense. It is in this world that they will find what they are looking for, not in the other. Teach them pride son. Your approach shall be strong, disciplined and conditional. All this you must never forget.

Erotas: I shall not forget father. But father, what about Agapi, what’s her role in this?

Eros: Agapi is not a leader my son, she cannot help the humans. She will delude them, cause them to be lost in the clouds, unaware of their impeding end; she will lead them to insanity. She can only offer them a fantasy, a passing fancy, and then be on her way, leaving them hurt and disappointed when they land, when their bubble bursts.

Erotas: I understand.

Eros: Non-the-less, before I send you on your way, you must promise me one thing. That after I depart, you will not engage in conversation with Agapi. You and her are not to speak, unless absolutely necessary. Promise me this, or I cannot let you use this wisdom.

Erotas: I don’t understand father, she may be able to help me.

Eros: She won’t. Trust me and promise me.

Erotas: Alright father, I promise.

Eros: Good, my son. You may leave, the world awaits your leadership. Agapi, I have spoke with already, she will not be in your way, she understands.

*Erotas Leaves*

After Eros’ departure, the world took a splitting turn. His children went off on their own ways, and didn’t speak to each other, like they promised. They influenced many different people, organizations, countries, continents, movements and many many more. Erotas helped bring out science, economy, government, war and many such directions. While Agapi influenced spirituality, faith, art, music, and all such transcendent directions. Eventually the world split in two, a perfect split between the West and the East; one influenced by Agapi, the other by Erotas. Yet, for many many years, they did not meet, they did not converse just like they promised. Their power, as any leader’s power, lied in the people, the follower. Agapi could only influence those seeking her, those who desired something more than what was already there. Erotas likewise, could only get through to mortals who were tired of politeness, tired of being a nothing, in need of striving and who desired strength and abundance. This lead to the global split, East and West became the polarized extremes that were Agapi and Erotas. Neither of them understood their limit however, and worked twice as hard in order to help more people out of oblivion. Agapi felt that those in the West were not going to be saved, after all it was her that Eros chose to help them; those poor sods suffering needlessly in the West. Erotas thought the same, he too felt like a failure, like he was letting his father down by not saving those dreaming and repressed on the East. unaware of their father’s double deception, they continued to work harder and harder, to exhaust themselves intensely. They began to enter each other’s territory. The West was being contaminated by Agapi, the East by Erotas. It was all becoming a big mess.

Then, as irony would have it, they were to meet, after centuries apart. It took one person; one who desired both Agapi and Erotas to bring them together, and uncover each other’s plots and roles. It took one mortal, a man, to bring them close once again. Accident served them like the mother serves the child, unconditionally and effortlessly. The man desired both the temporal and the transcendent, and so they both approached him, both offering their wisdom. In the approach they collided, they were shocked by the appearance of one to the other. Stunned, they didn’t know what to do, their father reassured them that the other will not impede in their duties. Both simultaneously realised why the world has been the way it is, why the split has occurred at such a fast rate, and why their efforts seemed hopeless. Erotas thought: ‘as I tried to save the West, she was all along going behind my back and influencing the East in her favour, double-crossing me, and our father; ignoring her place and her duty’. Agapi thought: ‘it was him all along that made it difficult for me, that arrogant bastard, he deceived me and father, his determination turned to dark ambition and now he wants the wisdom and my job’. The silence and heaviness of their thoughts infected the atmosphere, a battle raged in the man’s head, between his Love for Agapi, and his Love for Erotas. He knew not what to do, which to chose, he felt in disarray. Then they spoke.

Erotas: Agapi, what are you doing here? Father, told you to stay away from me.

Agapi: I could say the same thing, he told me that you would let me do my duty.

Erotas: I don’t understand, father left the wisdom to me, he said that you understood. That you would leave me and let me continue his work.

Agapi: What? No way! That is a lie! How dare you, after so many centuries, you initiate our conversation with a manifest lie!

Erotas: I may vow for ambition and efficiency, but one thing I do not, is lie to myself, and to lie to you is to lie to myself.

Agapi: Father left the wisdom to me.

Erotas: I assure you that he left it to me. He said that people need to move away from fantasy and illusion, and back down to the world of the physical, the temporal, back to reality. He said that you are much to weak and you will only harm people with your illusions.

Agapi: That is absurd! He would never say that! He said to me that you would destroy humans, you would send them into their own destruction. You would lead them astray with your strength; lose them into the futile. He said your strength would be your weakness. Told me that Love needs more than just physicality, more than just the temporal, it needs beauty, wonder and fantasy.

Erotas: Liar!

Agapi: How dare you accuse me!

The Man’s head was beginning to spin. His thoughts tearing him from left to right. He could not take it no more, and screamed up into the sky for silence. He relished repose; he craved peace. The siblings obliged. After half an hour of silence, it was broken by Erotas.

Erotas: Eros! Father! You are one smart son of a bitch! I understand father, thank you! Forgive me! Forgive my weakness father! Forgive my incompetence. All along I thought I was strong and knew what to do and when to do it; now I realize that I know nothing of the sort. I am blind. Thank you for your guidance father. You are kind, loving, and a father to be proud of. I love you!

Agapi: What are you talking about?

Erotas: Don’t you get it? He did this on purpose. He knew all along this would happen; and so he orchestrated it.

Agapi: What? I don’t understand.

Erotas: Father knew we would listen to him and not talk to each other, but he said to me that I was to talk to you, if and only if, it was absolutely necessary.

Agapi: Yeah, he said the same to me; so what?

Erotas: He made this whole thing happen, so that we would meet and then fight, so that we would confront each other. Speak of each other’s stories, of our incompetence, of our wrongful approaches. That is why he made it easy on us, he basically said to me: ’son, go out there and be yourself, and you have your wisdom’. I am willing to guess he said that he said the same to you. Now I realise that he did it on purpose, so that I would realise by an epiphany that I was wrong all along; my way is not the way.

Agapi: Yeah, he did… oh, I see now! All along I have been failing, and didn’t realise why. Then I saw you and decided to blame you for interfering, and causing this malady that had been growing in the West and now contaminating my East. I was the incompetent one, the one who had it wrong.

… Minutes of silence and thought overwhelmed all three of them, the siblings looking back over their centuries with their thinking; while the mortal shocked into torpor by what was going on in his head.

Agapi:I still don’t see why he didn’t tell us this from the beginning?

Erotas: We were much too young then, we wouldn’t understand. If he truly chose one and told him or her the wisdom, our rivalry would interfere and cause us to lose sight of our purpose: the humans’ salvation. If he told us both at the same time what we were to do together as team, the same outcome would prevail: one of us would think that his way is better thought our youthful arrogance and lack of experience, we would risk what should never be risked. Thus, he took an even bigger risk to avoid us making this risk. Instead he decided to tell us both what we wanted to hear, and let us both believe that we were right and ready for the job as we were. After the many years in human service I realise that I am not, Agapi. I have lead people to suffering, purposelessness and inner-deadness. My people take drugs, kill each other and hate each other. I am a disgrace, I was sent to teach Love, but I am teaching the exact opposite. You are my answer, Agapi. Dad wanted us to realise this by ourselves, not by him telling us. What better way to know you’re wrong than by failing?

Agapi: You are right, and you are my answer Erotas. Even though I knew not why my people were seduced by the temporal world, they would always succumb to their baser instincts. They still journeyed to war, hated each other, killed, sinned. I never understood why. Why the humans would go back into their concreteness, why they would fall from their perfections. Then I realised that I was not curing them, I wasn’t leading them into salvation, I wasn’t teaching them love; instead I was teaching them control and repression. This did nothing for them, but seek revenge on me, and renunciation from my grasp. They began to not believe in my kind of Love, they shunned it. I realise now that all along I was missing you; your approach. I still don’t understand why father didn’t tell us this at the beginning; why he didn’t just tell us all of this?

Erotas: I think he knew that we wouldn’t understand. If I am completely honest with myself, I would have ignored him. My youthful pride and drive would have deceived me and lead me into what I went into anyway. If he gave it to one of us, I think the other’s jealousy and rivalry would have sought revenge and to conquer the other.

Agapi: I think you are right. So, instead he left it into the hands of our failure, and of this puny mortal man whose head must be steaming by now, after listening in on our conversation. He can be our messenger of salvation, after all we owe him a boon. Our father was truly astute, and he took a big risk, he defied himself and he teachings. He deceived us, he went against his nature just to save us.

Erotas: From now on let’s work together. Let’s use what we’ve learned and find a middle way. He wouldn’t have lied to us about ourselves. I believe that the way is the mixture of both our ways, that is why he told us to do what were doing. To realise that what we are doing is not wrong, just incomplete. The wisdom, is us two combined. Our mutuality, our togetherness is the way to Love and the salvation of mortality.

Agapi: You are right brother; we shall become one.

The mortal man was confused; witnessing a conversation of God’s in his own head. In our modern era such a phenomenon would fall under the category of schizophrenia (much thanks to Erotas). He worried for his health, but then the voices disappeared, all that was left was a look of blankness mixed with wonder. He felt touched by something serene and yet awfully disturbing. What was going on? He decided to sleep on it, his dreams seemed to last forever and as clear as day. All his dreams pointed to a road, a path that he felt an urge to walk on, but his legs would fail to respond. He woke up the next morning, with an excellent and clear mind; he felt like he had slept for much longer than overnight. Feeling like he had slept for thousands of years and had just suddenly woken up. He recalled the conversation between the sibling Gods; it was clear as crystal before him. Smiling he sat down with his head on his hands and tears of joy running down his arms and past his elbows to his legs. He closed his eyes and took a plunge back onto his bed; extended his arms to the ceiling, and uttered with a smile full of tears, “I surrender”. He was chosen, he was to be the knight of Love, he was to ride alongside Erotas and Agapi; loyal to neither, but obedient to both. Their experiment; their way to finding each other. Their way to teaching humanity salvation from itself, their first mortal and mutual student. They called him the Lover.

No beating around the bush; although I do confess, sometimes it is pleasurable to do so, on more than one account and setting. This post is about manipulation, and the Lover. Two very compatible words for an affirming sentence it would seem, so compatible that there hasn’t been one real Lover who’s missed the ingenious and original phrase: “you use women”. This post then will be on this topic: the Lover’s (referring to the masculine) manipulation of women. I have decided to take a shortcut and just assume that this phrase “you use women” strictly serves to indicate manipulation of our humble ladies; who by is left open, because I do not doubt that there are women who use women; but since my experience does not engage with that field of endeavour by virtue of my sex, I shall point out here that I am strictly talking from the point of view of the masculine. Anyway, I digress, I find now that it is better to go through the phrase step by step and see what a Lover takes it to mean, and also perhaps try and see what people apply it to the Lover and what they could possible mean by it. I will try and not leave anything; if I do I hope that the questions following this post make it apparent to me.

If you are a Lover, and have not been faced with this question yet, then there are two real reasons why; either, you are extremely prudent with your life and are able to keep your doings a secret, or you are a finely chiseled seducer (inauthentic). The former of the two reasons is rare because to do that, the Lover must be with a woman for the duration of the passion, and then leave to a distance untraceable, or be extremely closed, which is a trait that the lover doesn’t possess. The latter is conspicuously likely and voluptuously cheap to obtain; the market for becoming a seducer is so cheap, that the only thing it costs is patience for the download and the spare time that you usually reserve for porn, or masturbation. The latter however, is not an authentic representation of the Lover, for the Lover does not seduce.

There is a distinction that is severely subtle between the Lover and the seducer. This distinction is frustratingly easy to overlook, and it leaves the Lover lost in a cavern of derogation. The distinction is the worship of Love; the seducer does not worship Love: he worships power. Power here is to indicate power over others, the overextended desire to get what, or who, you want. Conversely, the Lover worships Love, he does not yearn to get what he wants; he ardently desires to give what she wants. The main reason that the seducer and Lover are mistaken is because of their similar approach to committed relationships; in that they do not enter into them. The Lover is bound by love, and passion is an element of Love that gives an inescapable and necessary emotion; the Lover does not engage in Love after passion has dispersed: by this then, the Lover does not move beyond the passionate stages into consummation – the consummation of Love is the death of Love, for the Lover. Further, and for reasons that will be discussed later, the Lover needs to break her heart if he is to fulfill his reason for being with her. This aids in the mistaken rendering of the Lover as a Seducer; for seducers live by the Ethic of domination, once a person is dominated and the outcome of getting what they want is attained, there is no use for the person no more – like the toy that is overused and subsequently thrown away; a similar outcome awaits the seducer’s victim.

Seduction is a leading astray, a manipulation, and always implies a dismissal of honesty, a masquerade of truth. To seduce is to make someone do something against their open consent by virtue of a hidden question. This hidden question is always behind every word and every action, but never brought to the surface; and this subtlety holds a power over people; a subliminal strength over the masses. The hidden nature of the question makes the recipient wonder if it is actually being asked, or if the recipient is just imagining it being asked. This lack of surety in the recipient draws them into discomfort, they yearn for peace of mind as they are split between a ‘maybe’ and a ‘what if’, which makes them surrender. The seducer feeds on this split aspect of the recipient and through the discomfort that the aspect induces, they can make the recipient do whatever they please, simply by pretending to offer comfort. A person in doubt is infinitely easier to manipulate than a person in surety; the seducer’s job is to inspire doubt. The seducer inflicts doubt, the common man inflicts belief and the lover inflicts faith. (It is often implied that seduction is not really seduction, for a person always has to consent, and the very word consent implies choice – you can’t make someone do something unless they already wanted to do it. This is very valid and a question for us to raise at another time, but I beg the reader, for the purposes of our argument, to grant that seduction is a leading astray against a person’s will.) The Seducer then, by virtue of even his name, is a manipulator – a businessman.

Let’s negate the Seducer from our current topic then, and deal primarily with the Lover. When the Lover is agitated, and labeled, with this noxious phrase he is automatically placed on the defensive, simply because he believes that he is mistaken for a seducer. To be mistaken for your opposite, or be labelled as your opposite, is something that would aggravate any man. The Lover then is compelled to remedy this degrading albeit common sense judgment – for it is easy to judge by appearance, but hard to be humble when judged so yourself. Yet, he must remain humble; for not everyone has the gift of sight bestowed to the Lover, because then everyone would be a Lover. How does one remedy this situation however? The easy option is to get angry or write an angry post (which I hope this one does not get mistaken for), or even and perhaps more humbly, try and understand why someone would pose such a label to the Lover; the latter is the purpose of this post. Let’s proceed to shed some light on this very thing then. The above was just the Lover’s perspective and the introduction; here are the Lover’s thoughts about why other people would pose such a question. (I must warn the reader, that I will not be covering every loose string that appears, but I will indicate how far each string can go and where I have let something un-discussed – this is primarily because the theme is vast and can diverge into other topics of discussion, so some conservation is mandatory.)

It is best to deal with why a woman would say this to a man, before we move on to why a man would say this to a man. The women have every right to voice their opinions, and they are never wrong. A Lover does use women. How a Lover uses women is what we beg the women to understand. We are Lovers; it is our job to love. (I speak here a lot about Love, it is true and I never seem to define it; let me tell you now that I will not define it. Simply because a) it is indefinite, and b) I will leave that for another post, or maybe not even post it at all – some things are perhaps too personal to communicate.) We use women one way only, and it is the only thing we are guilty of: we use them to beget Love. Unfortunately, they (women) are the only way we are aware of, of how to do this; and no it is not just about sex; we can ‘just be’ with a woman and the moment we feel what we must feel, it is time for us to leave. Sometimes it is just a kiss, sometimes it is just a look, sometimes it is sex, sometimes it is a conversation and sometimes the whole thing: all the way to marriage – although this is very rare. For us, women are a field; not a field for seeds like the usual analogy indicates, but a glistening and illuminated field that is already full of all the beauty and plantation there can be for that particular woman – nothing need be added to it. This field however, is only accessible to the Lover, only he knows the way to it, and only he can show her; only he can show her the way to herself, her femininity, her beauty, her yin – should she want to of course. If the woman does not want to, then the Lover realizes this and does not proceed. How long this takes or what it takes to bring that femininity out is entirely subjective, and only the woman can guide him; which is why sometimes all it takes is a kiss, or even a look. Anyways, these are particularities not worth going into depth about, for it would consume too much of our time.

Back to the thema; the Lover, has a two-part question back to women in reply to the phrase: first, what do we use you for, and second, who uses whom? The answer to the first is implied by the phrase quite clearly. We use women for sex, because we don’t enter into a committed relationship with them, or even take them out on a date and buy them things (which the very concept is repulsively senseless). Let’s face it, women love sex, not like, they love it – any heterosexual woman telling us that she doesn’t like sex with a man is lying. Attraction* to a man, automatically supposes that you like sex – what’s the point of attraction if all you’re going to do for the rest of your lives is hold hands and take windy walks (no kissing, snuggling, steamy monkey-love or inexplicable intimacy)? If we can’t get close to a woman, we don’t want to be with her. Either she’ll let us get closer than anyone has ever gotten, or there is nothing we can do for her, or to her: we become pointless, a nothing, and we’re already that without her. Either, we are more inside you than anyone, or we are more outside you than anyone: and we urge the woman to say the latter, for at least then you would be authentic and save us time. We can’t use you for sex, because to use someone is to get and not give, to use someone is to benefit, or at least gain more than them; and we don’t benefit, no because you like sex just as much as we do – nobody benefits in sex; unless of course one party is worse in the sack than the other, but even then, at least you can teach out of altruism (people genuinely want to get better, and when someone is shit, they will figured it out or maybe they already know); anyways this is a matter in itself, we leave this out too. Both like sex, so nobody is gaining more than the other. The other viable thing that could motivate the phrase is that women have more to lose when engaging in sex, like the following nine months and the diaper changes/ social issues for the rest of their lives. If this was the Renaissance, then we would bow down to this concern; thus, we thank God for modernism and contraception. No artificial excuses for saying what you say, we do not accept this.

There is one, and only one, real excuse for why the woman would be right to utter this phrase: and that is fear. We acknowledge this; after all we have compassion and understanding. We’re not simpletons, or selfish like the seducers – we are capable of feeling, or else we wouldn’t be Lovers. We appreciate your fear of pain, or getting hurt, or even falling in Love, after all it was good ‘ol Sinatra who first made globally apparent how ‘Love is a tender trap’; perhaps he shouldn’t have. It is truly a big risk to take, to surrender yourself into the arms of another with total acceptance: trust is difficult. Also, experience has shown you that over and over again you just can’t trust; but trust you must, or Love you won’t experience. Love without trust and surrender is like a chocolate chip cookie with no chocolate chips; utterly pointless. Trust and surrender are perhaps the biggest risks to take in our charmingly modern society; and it’s ironic that the one thing we crave should come at such a high price; the release of ourselves. The Lover can do this, and it is true that it is not easy, and he fails over and over again, but he keeps on getting up. The Lover must have that surrender, or else he cannot take you where you want to go, he cannot take you to Love – he will get selfish. He needs you both for himself in order to be something, and for you, in order to show you the way to yourself. Once he’s done this, he must leave, because this type of Love is not eternal, he can’t just stay there with you and your femininity, because once he’s pointed you in the right direction and even dropped you off at the exact place you wanted to go; that is his job done and a cue for his exit. Now it is up to you to find your way back out and back in, at your will. He cannot be there with you for all time to keep showing you, because that would be inauthentic. It would be inauthentic because he does not live for attachment, he lives for independence and it is the independence that he tries to induce in you that makes him what he is; it is what fuels him. This independence is what you want from him too, but your fear masquerades this too well and you listen to your fear more than your heart – simply because your fear keeps you alive. Your heart breaks and it wants to say ‘thank you, thank you for breaking me’, but your fear stops her in her weakness and tells her to be quite, and instead your fear says, ‘I hate him’.

This is the Lover’s job, to bring you to the point of hate through your fear, and through this road to the point of saying ‘thank you’ from your heart. It’s his job to bring you to Love and then to break your heart; this is what he lives for, it is his mission, he is a heart-breaker; woman’s heart-breaker. Only a broken heart that has fully mended has access to itself; an unbroken heart or a broken heart that wishes to remain broken is impenetrable and inaccessible, even to the person herself. You can’t be what you wish to be unless your heart has been broken and then fully mended, this is the Lover’s gift; the Lover’s reason. Thus, the lover can only teach the woman independence, a way to herself through the only road he knows, or that is possible, through Love and heartbreak.

Thus, the Lover must risk the appearance of using women, he must seem to be that guy, because not only does it help him, it helps her too. It helps him because he can see which woman would take the risk and surrender in the face of fear and lack of reason; further, he can easily tell whether she is the kind of woman to find her way back out or mend herself after he has broken her heart; for he wishes to hurt only the woman who will find herself through the pain. This is why he must be ruthless and honest from the start, to avoid hurting the wrong women, for no reason. Should he make the mistake and misjudge the woman, he is pained for needlessly hurting her; so there is a lot that hangs heavy on him. It helps her because after he’s left her and never returned, she can mend herself without his or anybody else’s help; thus, becoming independent and able to find a way out of her own heart, and tracing easily a way back in. She becomes whole; through him and the Love and heartbreak he brought out.

I seem to have wondered off on a tangent, but one whose differential status in our current discussion is necessary. I hope what I have written has made some sort of sense; it is difficult to express a feeling so deep, or a thought so complex and not to mention counter-intuitive/counter-customary. With time, some thought and some serious retrospect and observation, you will find a very incessant truth in what was written above. Back to the next part of the question, which is pretty much answered by all the above; who uses whom? The Lover is a map and he brings a way to the heart of the woman, also to her independence and accessibility to her own self, through heartbreak and Love. In light of this, the Lover is not using her, au contraire; he is being used by her without her knowing. Fear’s peculiar gift is to hide what should be hidden; for if it is found, then it risks your death. Fear’s job is true, and it saves you, for the melancholia that comes from having loved the wrong person is enough sometimes to kill you; so fear says, ‘don’t trust, don’t surrender, reason instead and listen to me’. Imagine if all women surrendered and especially to seducers or men that didn’t know the way, it would be chaos, a rise in suicide and a rise in pugnacious relationships between man and woman. If, all we are doing is giving or rather showing, but our giving and showing is masqueraded by the very thing that women rely on to survive, then, you cannot blame the woman for her words and worries; you cannot blame us either, for it is always both of us. Consequently, the answer of who is using who is simply, nobody; the very phrase you’re using women is meaningless in light of what we’ve said, simply because it is aimed at the wrong man. For the Lover, she is using him for a way to herself; whereas for her, we are using her for sex or emotion. From what I’ve written and if you accept it, then it would seem that the Lover is being used. He will be the first to deny this though, because he does gain from this; he gains the beauty that comes out of it, the glory and kudos that he feels when it has worked; the sense of identity that comes from it. Further, who would complain at experiencing Love? Thus, back to our understanding of ‘using’ someone, nobody is being used if both parties are gaining something, and clearly here both are gaining, and it would seem equally. For those of you who understand business, this is miraculous.

The next person to bestow upon the Lover this extravagant phrase is men. When a man hears of the Lover’s doing, the initial response from the general man is the same phrase. The general man is quite simply incapable of understanding the Lover’s perspective; how does one explain the inexplicable, to somebody unwilling to learn? The general man is bound with a schema of the way things happen with women, what women desire and what is normal. Thus, to explain to someone that what the Lover does is normal, but in reality (here being the general consensual way of things) it is abnormal, and expect them to understand takes a lot of strain and perhaps it is impossible unless they are willing. All the general man can reveal by such a phrase is his lack of understanding for the dynamics of Love, and nothing more – and yes this is implying that the Lover knows Love better than most. They cannot be blamed either though, for all they reveal is the underlying schema of the way of the world, or the way we have structured our world. They are revealing a dysfunction not in themselves, but in society, in the ‘normal way of things’. For the general man is a by-product of the society he comes from, the society has a major influence on him. Simply because to function in this society you need to be like the society requires you to be, or else you’re in dysfunction – it takes unusual strength to go against the norm, and it is infinitely more painful and difficult to do so.

To sum up, no, we don’t use women; if we are going to get into that conversation then we have just as strong a ground to say that they use us. The truth of the matter is that considering the authentic Lover, nobody is being used. I am not here arguing for other men or women, I know not their motives and intentions, but I know full well the motives and intentions of one of my own. The Lover does not use women, when a woman is with a Lover she gains as much as he does, and loses as much as he loses. Mutual is the one word that sums up the Lover’s interaction with a woman.

 ———

* Attraction is left open too, it will consume too much time to exhaust it in meaning and description, you fill in your own meaning according to the context, and according to your idea of it; you will find it insperable from intimacy.

This is only the Lover’s response to the writings of ‘The Ten Commandments’; only a few of the commandments below belong to the Lover’s Ethic. The rest are still to come.

1. Love is the force you worship: nothing else.

2. There is no idol, there is no thing you can be to be a lover; nothing is the only thing you can be, and through it you can be the Other’s everything.

3. Never speak of the forces and doings of Love, lest you lose it like the bearer of these commandments.

4. Sunday is the day where Love is appreciated; on Sunday you give thanks for the nothing that you are to yourself, and the everything you are to the Other.

5. Honour your existence, and live through your joy and heart. Disregard all those who do not understand; even if you have to disregard your roots.

6. Love is incapable of harm - the heart does not hurt the Other; all harm from Love is ultimately masqueraded good.

7. Adultery is only wrong if not inspired by Love; Love has no boundaries, it is either embraced or not - all else is illusory.

8. Steal only the heart; for it is in stealing it and caring for it, that you can give it back the way it desires to be given back - broken and smoothly amended; touched by demons whose hands and hearts are those of angels.

9. Only lie if you are implying the Other’s truth.

10. Desire and open to all with no boundaries; the fields with the crops of Love cannot grow without the planting of seeds. No seeds entails no crops, which lead to famine.

A hero that bathes in blank expression;
With a face that’s a canvas betraying no reflection.
His hands are full of love’s stain,
Women struggle to escape; always in vain.

He lives for woman and woman alone,
He bleeds love from skin to bone.
The field created by Eros is his dominant terrain,
Seduction and love he makes easy and plain.

A different man, with every woman he desires,
Out of their heart, their ideal he inspires.
Makes manifest the longed-for release,
He leads them from ecstasy, to blissful peace.
He never consummates or makes it known,
Such an act would lose him Love’s desired thrown.

He breathes for love and Eros does repay,
Offers his bow and sends him on his way.
Walking down the road with nothing in mind,
Across comes the lady he wishes to find.

He walks and doesn’t look, yet he constantly sees,
From the glimpses of love he never flees.
Faithful to one and one alone,
Love he makes the queen, sitting by his thrown.

His queen he loves, and love is his queen,

Searches for her everywhere and is always keen.
The moment he obeys with utter conviction,
His reward is the erotic, a gentle benediction.

Love life and live for love he maintains,
Takes failure with a smile and never complains.
The striving for perfection is his only drug,
Absolution he wishes to be an everlasting hug.